Remembering Catherine Bailey

Three years ago I was in Fair Oaks hospital in labor preparing to deliver my firstborn child, a daughter silently into this world. We had just found out about an hour earlier that she had passed away. As the pitocin assisted my labor, the drugs battled my 102.6 degree fever, and the epidural assisted with my physical pain, I listened to my husband make phone calls to family and close friends to tell them the news that our daughter had died over and over and over again. I don't know how he had the strength to do it so many times and tend to me as well, but he persevered.

We were blessed to have the most awesome, caring nurses early that Saturday morning. Sheri Washington was the nurse who stayed by my bedside and talked me through my first delivery. She and the other nurses prepared us for what was to come with the delivery and assisted us with making arrangements for her autopsy and finding a local funeral home. They also dressed Catherine in a beautiful gown, snipped a locket of her hair for us, and took hand and footprints for us.

My cousin, Elaine arrived and took black and white pictures of her and us. Those pictures are the most precious memories we have of our daughter. I will be forever grateful to her. When it came time to leave the hospital, the nurses packaged up our daughter's gown and mementos and put them in a paper machet box. They gave me a teddy bear to hold while I was being wheeled out of the hospital so that my arms would not be empty.

And then we came home. My milk came in, I was still battling some type of illness/infection, recovering from labor and delivery, and all the flowers started arriving. People visited, family came and went, and then Andy and I began to try to find a new normal in our lives because we knew we'd never go back to the way things were.

Three years later, our hearts still ache for our little girl just the same. We now have a son who is the light of our lives, and while we celebrate every milestone he reaches, it's bittersweet because we know it's a milestone that Catherine never got an opportunity to reach. AJ looked just like his big sister when he was born--something that we were not quite prepared for. I wonder if she would look like he does now sometimes, but I guess we'll never know.

Happy 3 year birth and angel day, our dear sweet Catherine! Mommy and Daddy miss you so much! Your little brother AJ sends you kisses!